my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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