i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
