apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
