hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
