I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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