Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
