just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize