maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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