and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation