he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There r osticjed everywhere
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.