I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
