We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.