You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Blood and glitter go together right?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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