I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?