Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.