im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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