she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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