then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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