I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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