Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize