very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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