Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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