Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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