My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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