Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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