I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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