You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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