you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Im part way to drunk.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
