I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
