If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
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Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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