I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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