If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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