i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
