yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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