I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
