please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
