i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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