well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
