I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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