Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
