Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dicks are not precious.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
