I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
