hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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