Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
