Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
