better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
