So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
