Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
