Say something about gay babies.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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