you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
