It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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