Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
