you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
