I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
