Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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