This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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