I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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