i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
zippers are such a cool invention
worst night to have a conscience
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
