I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
