Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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