I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
