We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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