Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
