my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
