Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
