its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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