that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
