we have officially lost it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
