My pussy is not your playground.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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