the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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