i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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