I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
