I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
