Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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