so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
