Are we in a gay sports bar?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
3 2 1 whiskey
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
